Rejected parents sometimes say things like, “My child has made a lot of bad choices. She’s miserable, and according to her, it’s all my fault.”
In other words, the adult child is choosing to blame her parent or parents for her problems. Treating them like garbage because she feels bad about herself. Turning parents into scapegoats.
Blaming someone else for our problems is common, but we usually blame people who are in some way involved. So if your child has at least average intelligence, why would he blame you for something you’re not involved in? It doesn’t make sense.
Such adult children are certainly expressing anger and disappointment in the parent – there’s no question about that part – but the cause of those feelings may be something a little different than what’s often suggested.
This episode explores what might really be going on when a parent seems to be scapegoated by an adult child, and how parents can possibly break through this painful dynamic.
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