Episode 37: Reconciliation — The 4 Stages of Competence

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Tina often says that reconciliation is a process, not an event.

In this episode, she discusses specific stages of learning that parents must traverse in order to get to the ultimate prize of permanent reconciliation with their children.

Using the four stages of competence that emerged from psychology and coaching in the 1960s, Tina outlines the estranged parent’s journey from estrangement through reconciliation, all the way to the comfort of living with “the new normal” – that is, a different but healthy relationship with your formerly estranged adult child.

Here are the four stages viewed through the lens of estrangement in this episode:

  1. Unconscious incompetence
  2. Conscious competence
  3. Conscious incompetence
  4. Unconscious competence

If you’re hoping to get to a place where your relationship feels easy and natural again, this episode provides a map to guide you there.

It will also inspire you to be patient with yourself as you work through the inevitable stages of reconciliation.

The material in this episode is also covered in Tina’s book, Reconnecting with Your Estranged Adult Child.

If you’re a member of the Reconnection Club, let us know what you think by posting your response in the General Discussion Forum.

Not a member? Stay in touch by joining our mailing list. You’ll receive our “Top 7 Things to Avoid When Trying to Reconnect with an Adult Child” checklist. (Members, that checklist is available in our library.)

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