Episode 80: “But My Child Had a Great Childhood!”

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Understanding your adult child’s reasons for estrangement can be hard, especially when there’s no communication.

But it can seem downright mystifying when you look back at your child’s youth. “He had so many wonderful experiences!” you may exclaim, “We made sure he had good times and lots of opportunities.”

You wonder how someone who was given so much could ever turn on his parents.

It’s wonderful to have the satisfaction that you gave your child(ren) as much as you could. But parents do this naturally, not as a quid pro quo, and not purely out of generosity. Surely it helped you sleep at night if you knew your child was warm and safe and fed.

It’s a sad awakening to realize that the childhood you were able to give her, didn’t guarantee your child’s happiness. But there may still be much you can joyfully give that can have a positive impact on both of you.

In this episode, Tina outlines three assumptions parents make about good childhoods, and explains why the privileges and opportunities your child received are less relevant to the relationship than one might hope.

The investments you made in your child(ren) were never guaranteed. But they were also less conscious than the ones you can make in that relationship today. Trade assumptions for good information, and anticipate better results.

For much more on how to repair an estranged relationship with your adult child(ren), see Tina’s book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.

Reconnection Club members can discuss this episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club.

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