I’ve suggested elsewhere that every estranged parent should have a detailed plan on their special day, whether it be Mothers or Fathers Day, your birthday, the holidays, or any day when you wonder if an estranged adult child will reach out. With a special day coming up, I’ve heard parents say things like, “I’m having …
You were a conscientious parent. When your child(ren) came into your life, you wanted to be the best parent you could possibly be. You told yourself, “I will never…” or “I will always…” about your parenting. If you’re like many people, one of your pledges was to do things differently. To parent in a better …
More and more resources are popping up these days, offering support for people suffering from family estrangement. This is certainly a good thing; my great-grandparents had no help at all in repairing their relationship with their daughter, my grandmother — and so tragically, they never did. My mom grew up without knowing her grandparents. I …
Now that the holiday season is here, parents are wondering whether to issue invitations to estranged adult children. In many cases, the simple answer is No. Don’t invite them home for the holidays. Allowing your adult child to make his own plans, and to take the initiative to reach out to you if he wants …
When I started the Reconnection Club Podcast back in 2019, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I hoped the brief weekly episodes would provide rejected parents with useful information and inspiration for reconnecting with their estranged adult children. I didn’t anticipate that listeners would find it calming or soothing. But from the feedback I’ve received, …
If you’ve been estranged from your adult child(ren) for any length of time, you’ve probably experienced that uncomfortable feeling of not knowing what to do next. As a parent, your heart is breaking. And your brain is constantly picking at the problem in the background (when it’s not doing that in the foreground). Whenever there’s …
Do you prefer listening to reading? You can hear an audio version of this topic here: Reconnection Club Podcast Episode 110: Knowing vs. Doing Otherwise, scroll down to read the article now. * * * We’ve all been there. We know that something bad will happen between ourselves and another person if we say or …
Many Reconnection Club members are working on letters of apology to their estranged adult children. They’ve decided that an apology is appropriate, but in thinking about it, they bump into the fact that it’s not always easy to find exactly the right words. That’s why some of our members post draft apologies in our forums. …
In last month’s newsletter, I urged you not to be in a rush to apologize to your estranged adult child. This month’s topic builds on that idea, and provides a simple yet powerful blueprint for rejected parents. If you’ve read my book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child, you may remember the Rule of Ten. …
One of the most popular things for parents to post in our private Reconnection Club forums is a draft of their apology letter to an estranged adult child. And while I love that our community is wise and supportive enough to offer valuable feedback on these important efforts, there’s a mistaken emphasis on apologizing as …
Sibling rivalry can play a role in parent-adult child estrangement. When children are growing up, tension between siblings sometimes becomes chronic. In addition to differences in temperament, there may be ongoing concerns about favoritism or perceptions of scarcity in parental attention or affection. Once a sibling relationship has become tense, parents may have to intervene …
How can you tell if your estranged adult child wants no contact? The answer is not always clear. Some parents receive specific requests such as, “Please don’t call, text, email or come to my home or workplace.” But many are left with either statements they can’t decipher, or no guidance at all. In this article, …
One of the worst things about being estranged from your adult child(ren), besides the terrifying uncertainty of the outcome, is feeling like you have no control over the situation. You text your child, but she doesn’t text back. You issue invitations, and there’s no response. All contact seems to be on your child’s terms, not …
Do you prefer listening to reading? Check out our audio version of this article: Reconnection Club Podcast Episode 74 * * * Spouses aren’t always on the same page about what to do when their adult children become estranged. Should you take responsibility for your child’s decision? Or threaten to cut him out of your …
When your adult child or children won’t talk to you, enjoying yourself is the last thing on your mind. Even if you could enjoy yourself, it hardly seems like the right time. But then come the holidays. Or your anniversary. Or another milestone that you’d ordinarily celebrate with joy. And you’re faced with either 1) …
“Is it okay to send gifts to the grandchildren for Christmas?” “Can I at least attend your graduation?” “Would you mind if I sent a card for your birthday?” Who ever thought you’d find yourself asking questions like these, of your own adult child? How did the two of you end up here? Estrangement is …
It’s not uncommon for rejected parents to feel just terrible during an estrangement from their adult child or children. They might experience a sense of abandonment, rejection, despair or even resentment. There are so many questions. So many fears. There’s a range of unpleasant emotions that the parent may feel. It’s like a broken roller …
A good apology can go a long way toward repairing a troubled relationship. But if you’ve apologized to your estranged adult child more than once without any apparent effect, something is obviously not working. Don’t give up. There are several reasons why even a heartfelt apology will fail to move the needle. If you can …
The question of whether and when to give up on a relationship with an estranged adult child is a painful one. It’s also difficult to answer. As much as it hurts to be estranged from your child, continually hoping for reconnection invites another kind of suffering. There can be a fine line between hope and …
If your adult child has distanced himself from you and/or other family members, it’s tempting to think of this as a problem that belongs to him. After all, he’s the one who created the estrangement by refusing contact. So doesn’t he, in some sense, “own” what’s happening? That thinking is understandable, and it makes sense …