If your adult child has stepped away from your relationship by deciding to become estranged, then in general, it’s not a good idea to make requests of him or her. Instead, it may be best to view this time of estrangement as a request from your child, that you examine your relationship and seek to …
The pain of estrangement from an adult child or children is, for many parents, excruciating. Some describe it as the worst they’ve ever felt. It’s overwhelming, and feels unending. But to say that you’re in pain is not the full story. It’s just a disturbing headline with no further information. To deal with pain, we …
The pain of estrangement from an adult child or children is, for many parents, excruciating. Some describe it as the worst they’ve ever felt. It’s overwhelming, and feels unending. But to say that you’re in pain is not the full story. It’s just a disturbing headline with no further information. To deal with pain, we …
If you’re the parent of an estranged adult child (or any adult child) who identifies as transgender or gender non-conforming, you might be asked to refer to them with pronouns you’re not used to. When your child was growing up, you called her “she” and “her.” Now you’re being asked to use “they” and “them,” …
Parents of estranged adult children often worry that what’s happening in their families may be part of a growing trend. On the one hand, it’s soothing to know you’re not alone when you’re suffering. But on the other, fascination with “estrangement as a trend” is just one more way to take your eye off the …
“Manipulative.” It’s an intimidating word, especially when other people apply it to us. What do they mean when they say we’re being manipulative? Some parents of estranged adult children are well acquainted with the word and the concept of manipulation. Either they’ve been accused of being manipulative themselves, or they find their adult child(ren)’s behavior …
“Manipulative.” It’s an intimidating word, especially when other people apply it to us. What do they mean when they say we’re being manipulative? Some parents of estranged adult children are well acquainted with the word and the concept of manipulation. Either they’ve been accused of being manipulative themselves, or they find their adult child(ren)’s behavior …
For parents unwillingly estranged from an adult child, it can seem as though forgiveness is the brass ring. If they can attain forgiveness, reconnection will be secured and the nightmare of unwanted estrangement will end. But is that true? In this interesting episode (use the player below to listen), Tina challenges the notion of adult …
The more parents learn about how to respond effectively to estrangement by adult children, the more they start to regret what they did (or didn’t do) in the past. Regret is the price of change; when certain changes make sense, we almost always wish we’d made them sooner. But in this episode (use the player …
The people who most need self-care are the least likely to focus on it. So if the whole idea of self-care seems boring to you, you might want to force yourself to listen to this episode! It’s stressful to be estranged from your own adult child or children. Maybe there are also grandchildren involved, adding …
If you get the opportunity for family therapy with your estranged adult child, there are things a parent needs to know. Family therapy is not mediation. Nor is it like marital or couples counseling. For it to be successful, family therapy with children of any age is something for which parents must be prepared. In …
Most rejected parents are overjoyed at the thought of reconnecting with their estranged adult children. But once reconciliation begins, there’s often a more complicated experience in store. Many parents describe a continuing feeling of walking on eggshells after reconciliation. To avoid falling back into estrangement, they find themselves checking in with their formerly estranged adult …
Visiting websites where estranged adult children commiserate with each other… Worrying about influences beyond your control… Focusing exclusively on getting an emotionally distant adult child to communicate with you… These are a few ways parents waste precious time during unwanted estrangement from adult children. It’s understandable to want the pain to end. But in trying …
Smart parents are keen not to waste time during estrangement from their adult child(ren). So they set about working on themselves in a good-faith effort to prepare for reconnection. If you have the time, energy and support for personal development, you’re ahead of the pack. But what does “working on yourself” really mean? And who …
Smart parents are keen not to waste time during estrangement from their adult child(ren). So they set about working on themselves in a good-faith effort to prepare for reconnection. If you have the time, energy and support for personal development, you’re ahead of the pack. But what does “working on yourself” really mean? And who …
Like every good driver, even good parents have blind spots. Sometimes the most well-meaning of efforts to parent better than they were parented can promote a disconnect between parents and their adult children. It’s tragic that such good intentions can lead to such surprising and disappointing results, in many cases. In this two-episode series (listen …
Like every good driver, even good parents have blind spots. Sometimes the most well-meaning of efforts to parent better than they were parented can gradually promote a disconnect that affects relations between parents and adult children. It’s tragic that parents’ good intentions can lead to such surprising and disappointing results, in many cases. In this …
Once they realize the relationship is in trouble, many parents of estranged adult children are genuinely eager to make any necessary amends. Rejected parents who send apologies want their child(ren) to know they understand the issues that led to the cut-off, and that they’re ready (or working toward readiness) for a new and better relationship. …
Some time ago, your adult child asked you to give him space. He became estranged. But now he’s reached out to you. The door has been opened at last! You send your child an invitation, a photo, or a link. And… he’s gone again. What happened? Why does an adult child reach out to her …
Vicious. Nasty. Controlling. Mean. How do you feel when you read those words? If you’ve been thinking about your estranged adult child(ren) in these terms, the language you’re using may be affecting your ability to solve the problem of estrangement. Compare “My child is being cruel” with “I miss feeling close and connected.” The first …
