Episode 97: Road Map to Reconnection, Part 1

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Episodes 97, 98 and 99 form a 3-part series outlining an overall stepwise approach to reconnecting with your estranged adult child. In the first episode, Tina explains why it’s important to slow down and avoid acting impulsively, from a place of desperation. This foundational episode provides a rationale for Step 1, and then lists specific …

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Episode 96: When Estrangement Feels Like Abuse

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Not every parent rejected by an adult child feels abused by that rejection. But many do. If your child’s refusal to talk to you feels abusive, chances are there are good reasons for that. However, they may not be the reasons you think. Not all behavior that causes emotional pain constitutes abuse. But if you’ve …

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Episode 95: The Deep Pain of the Rejected Parent

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This week’s episode begins with an assertion that neither pain nor compassion is a zero-sum commodity. Estranged adult child are in some ways wounded by the relationship they share with their parents. That’s what the research tells us. Most people who estrange themselves from parents are in pain over having to do so. Acknowledging that …

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Episode 94: Is Someone Else Pulling the Strings?

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Third-party influence in parent-adult child estrangement Do you suspect your adult child’s spouse is answering your texts? Is your estranged adult son’s partner coaching him to stay away from you? How much influence do third parties have when it comes to estrangement from parents? The answer is, it depends. There’s no question that we’re all …

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Episode 93: You’re Both Adults, But Not Peers

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The parent-child relationship is not like any other. In so many ways, your role has always been a more demanding one than your child’s. If you were lucky, you had no responsibility for your parents when you were growing up; they took care of you, and not the other way around. Parents care for their …

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Episode 92: Lead By Example

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(Show notes for Episode 96 are here: When Estrangement Feels Like Abuse) Many rejected parents feel a deep sense of loss of love, connection and belonging. If you’re feeling unloved because your adult child is estranged, you may not have the luxury of waiting for her or him to offer you the warmth and affection …

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Episode 91: How to Let Them Know You’ve Changed

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Once you start learning, growing and healing through estrangement from an adult child, you might feel like sharing new insights with your child. Why wouldn’t s/he be interested in hearing what you’ve learned? And how exciting, to have new knowledge that can create a positive impact in your relationship. That’s why many parents ask, “How …

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Episode 90: Lack of Contact Is Not the Problem

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If you’ve been cut off by your adult child(ren), chances are if you’re reading this, you’re searching for solutions. Parents who seek solutions to the excruciating problem of adult child estrangement have probably tried reaching out to re-establish contact. But there’s a problem with this common parental behavior. If a lack of contact is not …

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Episode 89: Humility vs. Humiliation

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It’s not uncommon for parents rejected by adult children to feel humiliated by the experience of estrangement. And humiliation is a terrible feeling for anyone. So when you’re faced with the idea of approaching your estranged adult child(ren) with humility, you might think, ‘Why on earth would I sign up for that?’ And also, ‘I’ve …

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Episode 87: When You Don’t Get a Response

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Parents of estranged adult children often get no response to messages they send. With every lack of response, parents become more and more discouraged. They take their child’s silence as continued rejection, and they start to feel powerless. While it’s true that adult children often don’t respond if they don’t like the message, there are …

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Episode 85: Supportive, Yes. Doormat, No.

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If you’ve been in the Reconnection Club environment long enough, you’re probably on board with the idea of taking your estranged adult child’s point of view. You want to be supportive, to validate his thoughts and feelings, while you work on repairing the relationship. But how do you do that in the face of poor …

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Episode 83: Patience is Not Passive

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Many parents rejected by an adult child are committed to working toward a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. But they recognize that even if they work very hard and do everything right, reconciliation can take more time than they’d like. Some estranged adult children simply need more time before they’re ready to try again. They may …

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Episode 81: “We Used to Be So Close”

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You’d be surprised how many estranged adult children come from close families. It’s a myth that parents must have been toxic and abusive for adult children to seek estrangement. Sometimes the very closeness that characterizes a family is what underlies the adult child’s need for distance. But how can that be? Aren’t close families good …

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Episode 80: “But My Child Had a Great Childhood!”

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Understanding your adult child’s reasons for estrangement can be hard, especially when there’s no communication. But it can seem downright mystifying when you look back at your child’s youth. “He had so many wonderful experiences!” you may exclaim, “We made sure he had good times and lots of opportunities.” You wonder how someone who was …

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Episode 79: How Do Adult Children View Estrangement?

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Parents want to know what adult children are thinking when they cut themselves off from family. How can they do this? Is it really okay with them? Are they happy? Research suggests answers to these questions, and Tina shares the information in this informative episode. Your child’s decisions are guided by what he knows and …

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