Episode 111: “Why do I have to heal first?”

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This episode was inspired by a question Tina was asked during a consultation with a parent who had a history of trauma: “Am I too broken to go near my adult child?” The short answer, in case you don’t have time to listen to this episode, is no. You may have trauma from the past …

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Episode 110: Knowing vs. Doing

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If only we always did what we know we should do, instead of what we somehow end up doing despite our better judgment. When it comes to reconnecting with estranged adult children, many parents have good information to go on, and even better intentions. They know what to do, whether it be listening more, reaching …

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Episode 109: Common Obstacles, Part 2

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Over two episodes, 108 and 109, Tina touches on six obstacles that challenge parents trying to reconnect with their estranged adult children. The inspiration for this two-parter came from Tina’s work with hundreds of rejected parents. As an estrangement counselor, she kept seeing parents running into the same six obstacles: Confusion, comparison, defensiveness, paralysis, emotional …

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Episode 108: Common Obstacles, Part 1

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Over two episodes, 108 and 109, Tina touches on six obstacles that challenge parents trying to reconnect with their estranged adult children. The inspiration for this two-parter came from Tina’s work with hundreds of rejected parents. As an estrangement counselor, she kept seeing parents running into the same six obstacles: Confusion, comparison, defensiveness, paralysis, emotional …

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Episode 107: Staying Present In Their Absence

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Estrangement from your adult child(ren) presents a special sorrow during the holiday season. Part of the suffering is inevitable for parents; the loss of connection to one’s own children hurts. But there’s another aspect of estrangement that you can do something about today. And that is to reconnect with yourself, through the practice of staying …

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Episode 106: Estrangement and Sibling Rivalry

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Sibling rivalry is an unfortunate fact of life in many families. It can contribute to estrangement from parents as well. There are two situations where this is especially true, which Tina addresses in this informative episode. One is when your estranged adult child accuses you of playing favorites, either in childhood or on a continuing …

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Episode 105: Making Necessary Changes

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To work your way back to a healthy, mutually beneficial relationship with your currently estranged adult child, there might be changes you wish to make. Something went wrong in the relationship you share. To repair your damaged bond, you may wish to show up in a different way for your adult child. Typical changes desired …

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Episode 103: “What should I apologize for?”

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Smart parents who wish to make repairs with estranged adult children are interested in apologies. However, saying “I’m sorry” is not always necessary. Some estranged children report they don’t require an apology; they just want more space. Or they want the parent to make or allow certain changes in the relationship. But since many estranged …

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Episode 102: Handling Accusations That Seem Baseless

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Some estranged adult children – especially more communicative ones – sooner or later approach parents with accusations of past behavior that was hurtful. A few typical examples are gaslighting, criticizing, gossiping, neglecting, and not-liking chosen partners or spouses. Sometimes parents recognize an accusation as being at least partially true. However, sometimes they’re knocked sideways. They …

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Episode 101: Estrangement From Grandchildren

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Many parents of estranged adult children are also unwillingly estranged from grandchildren. Grandchild estrangement is one of the most painful aspects of estrangement, which is a surprisingly common problem in families. In this episode, Tina shares some observations about this phenomenon, and explains why some adult children feel justified in cutting off a grandparent, even …

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Episode 99: Road Map to Reconnection, Part 3

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Episodes 97, 98 and 99 (this episode) form a 3-part series outlining an overall stepwise approach to reconnecting with your estranged adult child. In the 3rd and final episode of this series, you’ll find out why it’s important to go through the steps in order, and not to enter Step 3 prematurely. By the time …

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Episode 97: Road Map to Reconnection, Part 1

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Episodes 97 (this episode), 98 and 99 form a 3-part series outlining an overall stepwise approach to reconnecting with your estranged adult child. In the first episode, Tina explains why it’s important to slow down and avoid acting impulsively, from a place of desperation. This foundational episode provides a rationale for Step 1, and then …

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Episode 96: When Estrangement Feels Like Abuse

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Not every parent rejected by an adult child feels abused by that rejection. But many do. If your child’s refusal to talk to you feels abusive, chances are there are good reasons for that. However, they may not be the reasons you think. Not all behavior that causes emotional pain constitutes abuse. But if you’ve …

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Episode 95: The Deep Pain of the Rejected Parent

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This week’s episode begins with an assertion that neither pain nor compassion is a zero-sum commodity. Estranged adult child are in some ways wounded by the relationship they share with their parents. That’s what the research tells us. Most people who estrange themselves from parents are in pain over having to do so. Acknowledging that …

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Episode 94: Is Someone Else Pulling the Strings?

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Third-party influence in parent-adult child estrangement Do you suspect your adult child’s spouse is answering your texts? Is your estranged adult son’s partner coaching him to stay away from you? How much influence do third parties have when it comes to estrangement from parents? The answer is, it depends. There’s no question that we’re all …

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Episode 93: You’re Both Adults, But Not Peers

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The parent-child relationship is not like any other. In so many ways, your role has always been a more demanding one than your child’s. If you were lucky, you had no responsibility for your parents when you were growing up; they took care of you, and not the other way around. Parents care for their …

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Episode 92: Lead By Example

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(Show notes for Episode 96 are here: When Estrangement Feels Like Abuse) Many rejected parents feel a deep sense of loss of love, connection and belonging. If you’re feeling unloved because your adult child is estranged, you may not have the luxury of waiting for her or him to offer you the warmth and affection …

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