Parent-adult child estrangement is essentially a communication problem. Many unwillingly estranged parents are dismayed by what they view as a lack of communication skills in their adult children. “If only he’d tell me what’s wrong,” they lament. Or, “Why does she have to such awful language?” Fortunately, communication takes two. If you have any contact …
Family conflict is inherently dramatic. This is according to one dictionary that defines drama as “any situation or series of events having vivid, emotional, conflicting, or striking interest or results, e.g. the drama of a murder trial.” The dictionary might as well have used parent-adult child estrangement as an example of drama, since it entails …
Part of the pain of being rejected by an adult child is knowing how much, and for how long, you sacrificed energy and time to parent her or him. You did as well as you could within the given circumstances. Why can’t your adult child cut you some slack? Estrangement can uncover expectations of reciprocity …
Once they recover from the shock of realizing their adult children have become estranged, many parents are quick to apologize in order to make things right. While the desire to make amends usually comes from a good place, early apologies can miss the mark. Before you consider apologizing to an estranged adult child, first ask …
You thought you had some inkling as to why your adult son or daughter decided to cut you off. But now you find out she or he has told someone else a different story. Or maybe you’ve heard several new reasons for the estrangement through the grapevine, that your child never mentioned to you. You …
Raise your hand if you think your estranged adult child’s spouse or partner is the main cause of the estrangement between you. If your hand is raised, you have lots of company. Parents who are unwillingly estranged from an adult child often worry that a son- or daughter-in-law has driven a wedge between them. They …
It’s upsetting enough to be estranged from your adult child or children. But when your child lies to you, you may find another level of pain. Tina talks in this episode about why it feels so upsetting when your adult child is less than honest with you, and why a basically decent, mostly honest person …
This episode was inspired by a question Tina was asked during a consultation with a parent who had a history of trauma: “Am I too broken to go near my adult child?” The short answer, in case you don’t have time to listen to this episode, is no. You may have trauma from the past …
If only we always did what we know we should do, instead of what we somehow end up doing despite our better judgment. When it comes to reconnecting with estranged adult children, many parents have good information to go on, and even better intentions. They know what to do, whether it be listening more, reaching …
Over two episodes, 108 and 109, Tina touches on six obstacles that challenge parents trying to reconnect with their estranged adult children. The inspiration for this two-parter came from Tina’s work with hundreds of rejected parents. As an estrangement counselor, she kept seeing parents running into the same six obstacles: Confusion, comparison, defensiveness, paralysis, emotional …
Over two episodes, 108 and 109, Tina touches on six obstacles that challenge parents trying to reconnect with their estranged adult children. The inspiration for this two-parter came from Tina’s work with hundreds of rejected parents. As an estrangement counselor, she kept seeing parents running into the same six obstacles: Confusion, comparison, defensiveness, paralysis, emotional …
Estrangement from your adult child(ren) presents a special sorrow during the holiday season. Part of the suffering is inevitable for parents; the loss of connection to one’s own children hurts. But there’s another aspect of estrangement that you can do something about today. And that is to reconnect with yourself, through the practice of staying …
Sibling rivalry is an unfortunate fact of life in many families. It can contribute to estrangement from parents as well. There are two situations where this is especially true, which Tina addresses in this informative episode. One is when your estranged adult child accuses you of playing favorites, either in childhood or on a continuing …
To work your way back to a healthy, mutually beneficial relationship with your currently estranged adult child, there might be changes you wish to make. Something went wrong in the relationship you share. To repair your damaged bond, you may wish to show up in a different way for your adult child. Typical changes desired …
It can be nerve-wracking, launching a young adult. You’re still a parent, but your child has reached the age of majority. Suddenly, your influence is legally nil. But your attachment is no less strong. How can you continue to help and support a young adult if they no longer seek your counsel? What can (or …
Smart parents who wish to make repairs with estranged adult children are interested in apologies. However, saying “I’m sorry” is not always necessary. Some estranged children report they don’t require an apology; they just want more space. Or they want the parent to make or allow certain changes in the relationship. But since many estranged …
Some estranged adult children – especially more communicative ones – sooner or later approach parents with accusations of past behavior that was hurtful. A few typical examples are gaslighting, criticizing, gossiping, neglecting, and not-liking chosen partners or spouses. Sometimes parents recognize an accusation as being at least partially true. However, sometimes they’re knocked sideways. They …
Many parents of estranged adult children are also unwillingly estranged from grandchildren. Grandchild estrangement is one of the most painful aspects of estrangement, which is a surprisingly common problem in families. In this episode, Tina shares some observations about this phenomenon, and explains why some adult children feel justified in cutting off a grandparent, even …
Your adult child is estranged right now, and you understand that they need space. But then you hear that she or he is having some trouble. Maybe it’s financial. Or maybe he needs a place to stay, or she needs help with transportation, references, etc. Why on earth don’t your adult children reach out to …
Episodes 97, 98 and 99 (this episode) form a 3-part series outlining an overall stepwise approach to reconnecting with your estranged adult child. It’s important to note that reconciliation can happen spontaneously. It’s safe to fully embrace all the steps in order, because your child can end the estrangement any time. So remember there’s no …