Do you let them know how their behavior is making you feel? Or not? Tell them just what it’s like *not* to get a reply, time after time? Or pretend you’re fine with it? When all you get from them on your birthday is a 2-word text at 11pm, should you say something? Knowing how …
Estrangement doesn’t happen on a whim. If your adult child has cut ties with you at the moment, he has reasons that make sense to him, and that are probably long-standing. In order for the estrangement to end, those reasons usually need to be addressed and neutralized. Many parents rejected by their adult children are …
Your child has cut you off, but still speaks to your spouse. Or vice versa. Maybe your child is estranged from both of you, but both parents are not on the same page about how to respond. Should the two of you act as a team, taking a single stance together vis-à-vis your child? Usually …
Mothers and daughters have the potential for a very close, lifelong relationship. But not every mother-daughter pair enjoys a harmonious, supportive bond. You may have seen your friends get together with their grown daughters, and watched them with envy. Your daughter, in contrast, has become estranged. How did this happen, and why? If the mother-daughter …
“Why is it always the parent’s fault?” is a question that often comes up when rejected parents are faced with suggestions to apologize, or to try to understand and validate an estranged adult child. It’s understandable. When all the advice coming your way is to act with humility, instead of someone who deserves to receive …
It’s common for rejected parents who are unwillingly estranged from an adult child to feel utterly powerless. And that’s a horrible feeling in the face of a breach in an important relationship. But there are three specific assumptions parents make that leave them truly powerless. These insidious assumptions are: Your child’s estrangement is entirely about …
Most parents feel their estranged adult children’s pain. Part of their own anguish is the knowledge that their child isn’t happy. And there’s a saying: “You’re only as happy as your unhappiest child.” But when an adult child treats you with rudeness or anger, it’s easy to lose that compassion for them. Their behavior might …
It’s the festive season – always a complicated time for people experiencing estrangement from family. The holidays are full of friendship, gift-giving, celebrating and creating memories. But for parents rejected by one or more of their adult children, it can feel wrong to participate. Having a good time feels … unseemly. How can parents enjoy …
If you feel powerless in the face of your adult child’s estrangement, that’s understandable. You can’t force your child to return your texts, let alone reunite. It’s a horrible feeling, to have so little power over something so important. At the same time, powerlessness is a dangerous place to be for your mental health. Every …
Your adult child, who’s always been such an empathetic soul, has now ruthlessly cut you off. How can such an empathetic person have no empathy for the parents who raised him? Doesn’t he care that he’s hurting you? It seems like an awful mystery. What’s going on? Has your child changed that much? The problem …
If your adult child has decided to distance himself from you, whose problem is it? If you’re like most parents who are unwillingly estranged from adult children, you walk through life these days feeling as if you have a big weight on your shoulders. But feeling the weight of a problem is not the same …
It’s painful when estranged adult children don’t respond to invitations at the holidays. At this time of year, even a video chat would be meaningful in lieu of a family gathering. If you’re a parent who has issued an invitation and not heard back, you have plenty of company. It’s frustrating and hurtful. Why do …
Parents of estranged adult children often end up sending gifts into a void. Not just at holidays, but all year long. Their giving has poor boundaries, and doesn’t necessarily respect the wishes of their child — who in many cases has asked for no contact. If you’ve listened to Episode 10, you’re already familiar with …
When you go in for a vaccination, the nurse might tell you to relax just before he gives you the needle. Obviously, relaxing is not natural in a situation like this. And yet resisting the needle creates tension, and may even make the shot more painful. Resistance is not only futile, it often creates more …
Does your estranged adult child have a personality disorder (PD)? If so, how much does it matter? Armchair diagnoses of PDs such as Borderline PD or Narcissistic PD are often flung back and forth between estranged adult children and rejected parents, to explain the problems between them. Often, it may simply be that parent and …
It’s not unusual at all for an adult child to cut off parents after getting into therapy. And that cut-off may extend to other family members, and even old friends. When this happens, it’s tempting to blame it on therapy. Your child was fine and so was your relationship, until he went into counseling. If …
You raised them all the same. They all knew they were loved. You did your level best by each and every one of them… So why does one adult child become estranged, claiming an unhappy childhood, while the other(s) are perfectly fine? Can both or all of your kids be right about their childhoods if …
Will your estranged child send you birthday wishes this year? Should you celebrate your child’s birthday even though she’s not currently speaking to you? How can you survive not only your own birthday without them, but theirs? Estrangement doesn’t respect birthdays. In many or perhaps most cases, you’ll be disappointed if you expect your child …
It’s the question on the mind of every rejected parent: How long will this estrangement last? Since nobody knows the answer to that, parents seek the next best thing: How long does estrangement last in general? That is, what is the “average” or “typical” length of estrangement between parents and adult children? Unfortunately, we’re a …
One of the hardest things about being estranged from your adult child is the feeling of rejection that often accompanies the enforced separation. It’s not easy to live with the pain of rejection day after day. In fact, it’s almost like being in physical pain. Would you believe that the same areas of the brain …