Rejected parents sometimes say things like, “My child has made a lot of bad choices. She’s miserable, and according to her, it’s all my fault.” In other words, the adult child is choosing to blame her parent or parents for her problems. Treating them like garbage because she feels bad about herself. Turning parents into …
Even estranged adult children will sometimes get into text exchanges with their parents. Especially if your child is young, he or she may need to engage in logistical conversations with you about things like phone bills, car insurance, or college tuition. Which is to say that not every estranged adult child is completely radio silent …
At last, your child is back in touch! And while it feels wonderful to be close again, you don’t want to say or do the wrong thing. You instinctively know what the research has shown, which is that estrangements can and do happen over and over again within the same parent-child relationship. And every time …
One of the most common questions we get inside the Reconnection Club is whether and when to initiate contact with an estranged adult child about important news. At some point, if you’re estranged long enough, something will come up that will make you wonder, “Is it okay to contact my child about this?” It might …
As the rejected parent of an estranged adult child, you might seek out an estrangement specialist for therapy. You want someone with a certain amount of compassion for what you’re going through – which would probably be someone who’s been there. Right? Apart from your podcast host, Tina Gilbertson, most professionals who specialize in estrangement …
You know your child so well. Or at least, you used to. When it comes to behavior from your adult child that surprises you, what seems “out of character” may actually be an adult child expressing an essential part of who she is. How you respond to out-of-character behavior will probably have some impact on …
For parents estranged from adult children, it’s not easy getting through the holidays. This episode contains six different survival tips to help see you through a potentially difficult time of year. You can’t choose whether the holidays come around, or whether your child decides to reconnect in time for you to celebrate together. But you …
Like everyone else, you made your share of mistakes in parenting. But you weren’t so horrible that you deserve to be treated like a criminal. Although child abuse is a cause of many estrangements, you didn’t necessarily abuse your child. So why won’t your adult child cut you some slack? Why is she demanding that …
The question of how often to reach out to an estranged adult child is probably one of the top concerns of rejected parents. That’s mostly because they’re in a hurry to resolve the situation, which is understandable. They want to know how soon they can try again. If you’re feeling anxious about when you can …
Here in the U.S., Thanksgiving Day will soon be here. In this season of gratitude, many estranged parents continue to send gifts to their estranged adult children without receiving a thank-you. Sending a gift might seem like a harmless way to stay in contact with your distancing adult child, but that lack of gratitude suggests …
It’s incredibly sad and distressing to be estranged from your adult child or children. Yet a positive attitude can make life more manageable, no matter what’s going on. Being more positive is good for both mental and physical health. But adopting such an attitude is so much easier said than done, when you’re estranged from your …
Taking responsibility is not the same as accepting blame. Blame is punitive, destructive, and a dead end. Responsibility, on the other hand, is constructive. Responsibility says, “I’ll take on this challenging task!” Taking responsibility for your relationship with your estranged adult child is an intentional act that puts you in the driver’s seat. If you …
Whether your adult child lives in the same city as you, 100 miles away, or on the other side of the globe, it’s always possible that you could be faced with sudden, unexpected contact. What if he calls or texts you out of the blue? What if you bump into her at the farmer’s market? …
While you can’t force your child to communicate with you, there are skills you can employ the next time you do have contact that will help them want to talk to you. This episode outlines three things to get good at if you want to become your child’s (or anyone else’s) favorite confidant. If you …
A good apology is the ultimate relationship repair tool, and a must for anyone estranged against their wishes. Still, many parents are hesitant to embrace the idea of apologizing to their estranged adult children. I’ve thought a lot about why this is, and have come up with what I call the “Four Horsemen of the …
This episode was inspired by this post in the Community forums inside the Reconnection Club: “Sometimes I wonder if my daughter is getting some kind of ‘cheap thrill’ at my expense. I keep contacting her but she doesn’t contact me. Yet she throws me a ‘crumb’ in response. She knows I want to see her, …
Working your way back to an adult child when they’ve cut off contact is a time-consuming process. This is maddening, when all you want to do is to reconcile and reconnect as quickly as possible. But haste makes waste, because being in a hurry almost always means making mistakes. This is true for any important …
Estrangement from an adult child is what author Pauline Boss called an “ambiguous loss.” She wrote a book by that name in 1999, and although she didn’t talk specifically about estrangement, the circumstance definitely qualifies as similar to a familiar member being missing in action, or having a disease like Alzheimer’s, in which case they’re …
Most estranged parents feel like time is a thief, stealing opportunities and happiness while they’re estranged from an adult child. This makes parents feel a bit desperate, so they reach out in ineffectual ways. But the reality is, you can only do so much. You can’t push the river. Fortunately, in addition to be a …
Listen to the show that offers compassion, clarity and personal development tips for parents estranged from their adult children In each episode, psychotherapist Tina Gilbertson talks about practical tools for melting the ice, as well as how to cope when nothing seems to be working. Tina looks at the research and dispels myths about estrangement. …