Cornerstone content with which every member should be familiar.
It’s so human to want to teach someone a lesson when they’re behaving badly. Maybe because of the fundamental attribution error (we attribute other people’s behavior to temperament, ours to circumstances), we tend to focus on correcting poor behavior in other people. We aren’t quite as ardent when it comes to scrutinizing ourselves. I think …
Many Reconnection Club members are working on letters of apology to their estranged adult children. They’ve decided that an apology is appropriate, but in thinking about it, they bump into the fact that it’s not always easy to find exactly the right words. That’s why some of our members post draft apologies in our forums. …
In every relationship, there’s always the possibility that one of you is ready to take a new step when the other is not. As a parent unwillingly estranged from one or more of your adult children, you can do everything right, say all the right things, and still not get to reconciliation if the timing …
Parents of estranged adult children often get no response to messages they send. With every lack of response, parents become more and more discouraged. They take their child’s silence as continued rejection, and they start to feel powerless. While it’s true that adult children often don’t respond if they don’t like the message, there are …
If only your child would let go of this grudge she’s carrying. If it weren’t for that, the two of you could be close again, the way you’re meant to be. But wait – IS your child holding a grudge? If so, why? And what’s the remedy? If your child is holding a grudge, there’s …
Many parents rejected by an adult child are committed to working toward a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. But they recognize that even if they work very hard and do everything right, reconciliation can take more time than they’d like. Some estranged adult children simply need more time before they’re ready to try again. They may …
What if your estranged adult child is expressing ideas that seem delusional? Should you play into those delusions? Or try to talk her out of them? You might worry that while going along with your child’s distorted thinking may soothe her somewhat, it isn’t good for her psychological health. You’re torn between preserving the relationship …
You’d be surprised how many estranged adult children come from close families. It’s a myth that parents must have been toxic and abusive for adult children to seek estrangement. Sometimes the very closeness that characterizes a family is what underlies the adult child’s need for distance. But how can that be? Aren’t close families good …
Understanding your adult child’s reasons for estrangement can be hard, especially when there’s no communication. But it can seem downright mystifying when you look back at your child’s youth. “He had so many wonderful experiences!” you may exclaim, “We made sure he had good times and lots of opportunities.” You wonder how someone who was …
Parents want to know what adult children are thinking when they cut themselves off from family. How can they do this? Is it really okay with them? Are they happy? Research suggests answers to these questions, and Tina shares the information in this informative episode. Your child’s decisions are guided by what he knows and …
In addition to feeling the pain of loss of connection with an estranged adult child, you may also be aware of feelings of resentment. Particularly if you’ve spent any time in the Reconnection Club universe, you might resent the idea of having to “indulge” your adult child. Her estrangement might seem so cruel, selfish, and …
Estrangement doesn’t happen on a whim. If your adult child has cut ties with you at the moment, he has reasons that make sense to him, and that are probably long-standing. In order for the estrangement to end, those reasons usually need to be addressed and neutralized. Many parents rejected by their adult children are …
“Why is it always the parent’s fault?” is a question that often comes up when rejected parents are faced with suggestions to apologize, or to try to understand and validate an estranged adult child. It’s understandable. When all the advice coming your way is to act with humility, instead of someone who deserves to receive …
It’s common for rejected parents who are unwillingly estranged from an adult child to feel utterly powerless. And that’s a horrible feeling in the face of a breach in an important relationship. But there are three specific assumptions parents make that leave them truly powerless. These insidious assumptions are: Your child’s estrangement is entirely about …
One of the worst things about being estranged from your adult child(ren), besides the terrifying uncertainty of the outcome, is feeling like you have no control over the situation. You text your child, but she doesn’t text back. You issue invitations, and there’s no response. All contact seems to be on your child’s terms, not …
Your adult child, who’s always been such an empathetic soul, has now ruthlessly cut you off. How can such an empathetic person have no empathy for the parents who raised him? Doesn’t he care that he’s hurting you? It seems like an awful mystery. What’s going on? Has your child changed that much? The problem …
Spouses aren’t always on the same page about what to do when their adult children become estranged. Should you take responsibility for your child’s decision? Or threaten to cut him out of your will? Should you apologize for past mistakes that may have contributed to the estrangement? Or stop all communication until she comes around? …
If your adult child has decided to distance himself from you, whose problem is it? If you’re like most parents who are unwillingly estranged from adult children, you walk through life these days feeling as if you have a big weight on your shoulders. But feeling the weight of a problem is not the same …
When you go in for a vaccination, the nurse might tell you to relax just before he gives you the needle. Obviously, relaxing is not natural in a situation like this. And yet resisting the needle creates tension, and may even make the shot more painful. Resistance is not only futile, it often creates more …
If you manage to open communication with your estranged adult child, you’ll need to be prepared for the crucial task of receiving complaints. Unless you have a conscious plan for your response, the rift could easily widen. Because the way parents handle complaints makes the estrangement either better or worse. Here’s what you need to …