Once they realize the relationship is in trouble, many parents of estranged adult children are genuinely eager to make any necessary amends. Rejected parents who send apologies want their child(ren) to know they understand the issues that led to the cut-off, and that they’re ready (or working toward readiness) for a new and better relationship. …
It’s the question on the mind of every rejected parent: How long will this estrangement last? Since nobody knows the answer to that, parents seek the next best thing: How long does estrangement last in general? That is, what is the “average” or “typical” length of estrangement between parents and adult children? Unfortunately, we’re a …
It’s not uncommon for rejected parents to feel just terrible during an estrangement from their adult child or children. They might experience a sense of abandonment, rejection, despair or even resentment. There are so many questions. So many fears. There’s a range of unpleasant emotions that the parent may feel. It’s like a broken roller …
It’s discouraging for parents when estrangement from an adult child continues for weeks, months or years without any apparent progress. When your heart-felt letter is returned unopened, you ask yourself, “Now what do I do?” Taking action is the preferred response to painful silence. But it’s not necessarily a productive one. In this episode, Tina …
When adult children cut off contact with their parents, their silence can be excruciating. But that’s largely because of the way that silence gets interpreted. Here are some particularly painful interpretations of silence: “I hate you.” “You’re not worth a reply.” “You mean nothing to me.” “I’m never going to talk to you again.” No …
It’s incredibly sad and distressing to be estranged from your adult child or children. Yet a positive attitude can make life more manageable, no matter what’s going on. Being more positive is good for both mental and physical health. But adopting such an attitude is so much easier said than done, when you’re estranged from your …
Most estranged parents feel like time is a thief, stealing opportunities and happiness while they’re estranged from an adult child. This makes parents feel a bit desperate, so they reach out in ineffectual ways. But the reality is, you can only do so much. You can’t push the river. Fortunately, in addition to be a …
If you have any contact with your child at all, you might feel dismayed at how inconsistent it is. You may be in the post-reconciliation phase, when you hoped everything would be fine again. Or their inconsistency might be part of an on-again, off-again cycle of “now you see me, now you don’t,” and reconciliation …
May is a month that’s full of special days: Mothers Day, graduations, birthdays, anniversaries… In case you didn’t see it, last month’s newsletter talked about dealing with special days during an estrangement from your child. This month we’ll talk about Time. It may be a heartless thief of weeks and months, but it’s also a …
You’ve probably experienced the pain and frustration of sending a thoughtful and heartfelt message to your child, only to receive no reply. Repeated exposure to this can wear you down. Some parents give up, at least temporarily, to avoid another bout of no-response. But it’s not just the silence that hurts; it’s the interpretation of …
January’s the perfect time to take a fresh look at what progress looks like, not just in your relationship with your estranged adult child, but in general. The Chinese concept of yin and yang is a helpful one when you’re pursuing a goal, whether it’s improving a relationship, increasing your income, strengthening your body or …
When silence is all that’s coming at you, life starts to shrink. Some days, worrying about your child is all there is. It feels wrong to go ahead and live your life, not knowing when you’ll see them again. To stop thinking about your estranged child for a while might feel like you’re giving up hope, …