The Press of Time

Time fliesMay is a month that’s full of special days: Mothers Day, graduations, birthdays, anniversaries… In case you didn’t see it, last month’s newsletter talked about dealing with special days during an estrangement from your child.

This month we’ll talk about Time. It may be a heartless thief of weeks and months, but it’s also a healer of certain wounds.

Feeling Under Pressure

If you and your child were immortal, patience would be easy. You could wait out the estrangement, sending your child a loving note every decade or so, and allow Time to do its work of sculpting new perspectives from old wounds, healing any rough edges in your relationship.

But no one is immortal. Time is robbing you of remaining opportunities to commune with your child, to hug him or her, to play with your grandchildren. Every day apart is a missed opportunity. To say that this is a tough pill to swallow would be an understatement.

When time is limited, there’s pressure. We feel forced to take action, even when doing so works against us.

Doing nothing seems unacceptable. Unless we’re pushing things forward, we believe circumstances are standing still. That everything’s frozen in place. This is an illusion.

Don’t Push the River

Time is relentless and remorseless. And yet it also heals.

There is activity even in silence. There’s movement every day within your child’s heart and mind. The only constant being change, you and your child are both evolving.

Every week, you have experiences. You think about things. You cope with challenges in other relationships.

Along with everything else in the universe, the conditions that created the estrangement are in flux. This is not hippie-dippy nonsense; it’s physics. Everything is in constant motion, and time is the vehicle of inevitable change.

It’s impossible to ignore that the passage of time is chipping away at the days remaining in your relationship with your child. But there is no fix for that stark fact. Attempts to fix the unfixable only create greater problems.

Imagine you’re standing on the bank of a river, and you want it to flow faster, to bring you something that’s upriver. Nothing you do will make the river flow faster, though you might exhaust yourself in trying to push it, to the point where you fall down in a panting heap on the bank.

Since you were busy trying to push the river instead of preparing a net to collect the prize when it eventually floated by, it might sail right past you when the time comes.

Don’t try to push the river of Time. Instead, spend time wisely.

Prepare today for an improved relationship with your child by focusing on personal growth. You’re still evolving into the person you’re meant to be. All your relationships will reshape themselves to match the changes in you. But that takes time.

Respect the healing power of Time. More than just a thief, it can also be an ally.

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